Hey, I m not finished with that! is an exclamation often heard in cafés and eateries around Cairo.
The wildly gesticulating customer, struggling to swallow their mouthful so they can make a desperate shout for the return of their unfinished plate, is a common sight when dining in Egypt s capital.
Egypt s mostly friendly waiters, plying their trade anywhere from up-market restaurants to shopping mall food courts, tend to be trigger-happy when it comes to clearing tables.
Even with the best of intentions, they can turn an enjoyable meal into a struggle to retain sovereignty over one s food.
In any one of Cairo s many cafés, a brief wander over to the magazine rack runs the risk of returning to find that your half-drank mango juice or half-eaten sandwich has been removed. A longer foray, maybe to the bathroom say, makes their removal a foregone conclusion.
On one occasion, whilst working on my laptop in an empty Mohandiseen café, a tag-team of two waiters made no less than five attempts on my grilled panini and fanta.
Having defended valiantly against their wave-like advances, it was a sucker punch that eventually downed me. As Ayman invited me to take a look at a dessert I had previously inquired about, Ahmed, like a bolt of lightning from the blue, stole in to relieve my table of the remainder of my lunch.
In fact when it comes to whipping away barely eaten meals, many waiters invoke tactical brilliance chess master Sergey Kasparov would be proud of. Pincer movements, sleight of hand and distraction techniques are among the moves listed in their playbook.
Some however lack the skills.
I was out to dinner recently with a visiting relative at one of Zamalek’s more reputable establishments. As her fork descended to spear a glazed carrot, she found it lodged in the left thumb of an unfortunate waiter, who had mistimed an attempt to whisk away her food-laden plate.
The cardinal rule of table-waiting etiquette – to never clear away plates or cups before everyone has finished eating – either does not exist in Egypt, or is broken with impunity by its waiters.
It means customers must remain in a state of catlike readiness to defend their table from the plate-taking onslaught that ensues five minutes into their meal.
For those wanting to enjoy a meal in full, without having to resort to such defensive measures, ordering in might seem like a safer bet.
Safer for both the meal, and the stray digits of overly enthusiastic waiters
