From the other side

Fady Salah
6 Min Read
Gamal Eid

Overthrow La vache qui rit cheese  

La vache qui rit cheese you dogs, traitors and American agents!” cried a young Muslim Brotherhood supporter while holding a box of La Vache cheese, evidence of the act of treason committed by those protesting outside the Presidential Palace last Thursday. This came after he and his ‘brothers’ had successfully driven out all those protesting the Constitutional Declaration and its upcoming referendum.

Before the publicised seizure of a box of La vache qui rit cheese, this site had previously been the scene of a bloody battle that had lasted hours and resulted in 7 people being killed and 600 more wounded.

I quickly returned home, and poured through my kitchen and refrigerator shelves searching for any evidence of the existence of La vache qui rit cheese, although I only found some white cheese and a piece of Rumi. Without thinking, I put the cheeses in a plastic bag and left my house to dispose of the evidence.

However, the residue on my fingertips in itself could still be enough to incriminate me…True it wasn’t residue from La vache cheese, but who could know?! If possessing La vache cheese is enough to label someone an agent of America, then surely white and Rumi cheese could land me in jail for being a Greek or Cypriot spy!

I thought to myself: “The future of our country is in danger; rich and poor children alike are carrying evidence of their parents’ treason in their school lunch bags, some eating La vache, while others are still experimenting with other, lesser forms of imported cheese. Thank God for those Muslim Brothers who are here to save our children from eventually reaching the stage of eating La vache cheese.

It is impossible to deny one’s nationality and one should never be fooled by the purported ‘good intentions’ of those who seek to import foreign objects. While some things can be forgiven, eating La vache cheese simply cannot.

According to the cadres of the Muslim Brotherhood, there exists no difference between La vache cheese that is broken up into quarters and that broken up into thirds, except for perhaps, the rank of the person who possesses the cheese.

For that reason, Mohamed Morsy, our legitimately elected president, has made it clear that in defending the rule of law will not just fall on the shoulders of our nation’s military and police, but also on those of every citizen of Egypt. Thousands have therefore poured onto the streets to defend democracy from those in possession of the cheese, protesting in front of the Presidential Palace while seeking to chip away at the legitimacy of our nation’s executive branch.

Thankfully, supporters of our president have successfully cleansed the area surrounding his palace of all American agents and foreign cheese. True, six people died and hundreds more were injured in the process, however it was a battle to defend the sanctity of our nation and therefore was, and still is, justified.

The cleansing process was not just limited to those in possession of the cheese, but also their families. They must make an example of them. Punishment, retribution, torture, capture and rape await all who even think of eating La vache, thus betraying the nation and denying our government’s legitimacy.

Naturally, supporters of our president were shocked when certain elements of the media spoke out against them and their quest to defend the country. Did those who marched hundreds of miles from provinces all over Egypt, armed with boxes of fuul and La vache, to surround the Presidential Palace and threaten our nation’s security not get what they deserved? Should our president’s supporters instead have sat around and waited for the Interior Ministry or Egyptian Security Forces to arrest and torture those individuals? Why don’t our country’s media outlets appreciate the noble nature of those struggling to fight against the infiltration of La vache cheese into Egyptian society?

I am convinced that the issue is even bigger than previously expected. La vache cheese has become simply a means, with the eventual end being to target the Constitutional Declaration. For that reason, I support all those who seek to ban its import and I hope to see Al-Qa’ida target and destroy all La vache cheese factories throughout the world.

La vache cheese is not the answer.


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